The art of dating yourself is simple. Learn how to spend time alone and find ways to romanticize those moments. Set aside time every week to do something outside of your normal routine, by yourself. Whether that means having a self-care day or taking yourself out on an adventurous solo date. Remember, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself.
Keep reading to learn how to feel comfortable alone and plan the perfect budget-friendly solo date!
How to Feel Comfortable Alone
The first step in learning how to spend time alone is to figure out why you already don’t. Do you not like being alone with your thoughts? Are you worried that people will stare and judge you? Are you concerned for your safety when you’re on your own? Whatever the reason is, taking the time to reflect will help you figure out the course of action you should take.
Let’s expand on some of these common barriers.
Don’t Want to Be Alone With Your Thoughts?
A common reason why people don’t want to spend time alone is because they don’t want to be alone with their thoughts. Conversation with another person is a great distraction from what might be happening internally.
I find that when I go out alone, I’m faced with many moments of silence. Sure, you can listen to music, talk to a stranger, or eavesdrop on a conversation, but you will inevitably find yourself faced with quiet moment. What has helped me manage the intrusive thoughts that pop into my mind during these moments is meditation.
Meditation is the practice of clearing your mind while observing the thoughts that might creep into it. Instead of being held up by those thoughts, you practice acknowledging them and then letting them go.
Visualize the sky for a moment. Your thoughts are the clouds and the sky is your mind. Clouds pass through the sky but they are just visitors. Clouds don’t linger in the sky for long because they are always moving.
This is how you should think of your thoughts in meditation. Your thoughts will come, but instead of letting them fester, imagine them passing through your mind like a cloud.
Meditating every day will help you acknowledge that your thoughts are separate from you. Even in moments of meditation where you are trying not to think about anything, they will come. Your thoughts are not a part of you, they are merely visitors in your mind. Meditating will also help you practice clearing your mind when those thoughts do come. The brain is a muscle after all. The more you practice clearing your mind of your thoughts in meditation, the easier it will be to practice this day to day.
Worried That People Will Judge You?
Is the fear that people will judge you holding you back from dating yourself? If so, think back to the last time you were out in public. Were you noticing the people who were by themselves that day? The answer is most likely, no.
One of our fatal flaws as humans is our self awareness. We are so aware of ourselves that it holds us back from living our lives fully.
There is a silver lining here though. We are so self aware, that we rarely even notice others. To be blunt, no one is looking at you because everyone is just worried about themselves. It’s sad but should feel equally freeing. You are not alone!
However, if just understanding this isn’t enough to ease your anxiety, pick an activity to do alone where you will be around others. Volunteering or going to a workout class will make you feel like you’re not by yourself, even though you showed up alone.
Concerned For Your Safety?
Feeling concerned for your safety when you go out alone is a legitimate concern. Fortunately, there are ways to ease some of that anxiety.
- Always tell a loved one where you’re going before you go out on your own. Having someone looped into your plan will ensure that if anything was to happen, there is someone who cares about you that knows your whereabouts.
- Go to public places! Sure, going on a hike alone might be fun, but if you are feeling anxious about your safety, going to a public place instead will put you at ease.
- Don’t listen to music when walking around alone. Listening to music might be entertaining but it’ll dull your sixth sense. Being aware of your surroundings will do wonders for making you feel in control of the situation and safe.
Planning the Solo Date
Here comes the fun part! You have worked through the barriers that were holding you back from dating yourself. Now, you get to plan your budget-friendly solo date!
Step 1: Come Up With a Plan
Just as you would come up with a plan if you were to spend time with a friend, you should do the same when you take yourself out on a date.
First, set aside a day in advance. Make time in your schedule, and follow through. Prioritizing the time you spend alone is the only way to ensure that you won’t let life get in the way. With no one to disappoint if you flake, it’s important to hold yourself accountable.
You should also come up with what you would like to do ahead of time. This will keep you from getting overwhelmed and just staying home. Think about a spot you’ve been wanting to go to for a while but haven’t, an activity you’ve been meaning to try or a place you’ve been before but never alone. Not being limited to what your friends want to do is super freeing. The world is your oyster!
Step 2. Take Cash Out for the Day
The easiest way to avoid spending money is to not to have any. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting you burn your cash or leave your credit card at home. Instead, go to an ATM and take out some cash for the day. Make a pledge with yourself to only spend the cash you have on you.
You’ll find that using cash makes it so much harder to spend your money than if you were to use a credit card. Seeing your stack of cash dwindle every-time you buy something may be enough to keep you from making impulsive purchases. Learn more about this tip and 21 other frugal living tips here!
Step 3. Avoid the Urge to Splurge
When on your solo date, it may be tempting to treat yourself to a shopping spree or a fancy meal. Although it’s important not to restrict yourself, it is equally important to avoid fulfillment from material things. Trying to fill a void by treating yourself to a new piece of clothing or an overpriced meal won’t make you any happier in the long run. Instead, consider the time that you are setting aside for yourself, the treat.
Step 4. Pack a Lunch
Make sure to pack a snack or lunch if you plan to be out for a while. Not only is cooking for yourself an act of self-love, it is also the easiest way to save money on your solo date!
Step 5. Take a Phone and Social Media Break
Dating yourself is all about being present. The easiest way to achieve this is by staying off social media for the day. What other people are doing with their lives (or pretending to be doing) shouldn’t concern you. This day is an opportunity for you to reconnect with yourself and disconnect from the world.
Downloading an app that will temporarily block you from being able to access certain applications on your phone can help! The best one out there is StayFree. StayFree allows you to block certain apps entirely or limit your daily usage on them. For example, you can limit your usage on Instagram to only an hour. After that hour is up, the Instagram app won’t open in your phone. StayFree will also provide you with data and analytics so that you can see how much time you’ve spent on your phone that day.
Step 6. Bring a Journal, Book, Sketch Pad or Music
Have you ever seen someone journaling, drawing or reading at a park by themselves? They always look like they belong in a dreamy indie movie. Now, it’s your turn!
Bring a journal, book or sketch pad to a park you’ve never been to or a coffee shop you’ve been wanting to try! Having free activities to do on your solo date is a fun and budget friendly way to spend your time.
Step 7. Take a Different Mode of Transportation
After you’ve decided where you would like to go for your solo date, it’s time to choose how you plan to get there. Although driving may be the most convenient option, choosing a mode of transportation you usually don’t can make the experience so much more exciting.
Going on a solo date is all about switching up your normal routine. Instead of driving, try biking, walking or taking the train. You may even find that you appreciate the place you end up at so much more because it took more time and effort to get there!
Step 8. Wind Down From the Day the Right Way
You’ve come home from your day out, now what? Winding down from your day the right way is just as important as the way you chose to spend it. You may have had the best day ever but if you spend the last few hours of it scrolling through your phone, that’s how you’ll remember it.
Instead, do some self-care at the end of the day. Set a relaxing vibe by lighting a candle, burning an incense, turning on some great music or turning on some mood lighting. Winding down with a good book, a journaling session, a movie you’ve been wanting to watch for a while or a relaxing bath will end the day on a super positive note.
To Wrap It Up
Learning to love the time you spend alone is so important for your mental health. If there’s something that’s holding you back from that, it’s important to recognize what it is and take steps towards fixing it. When you do feel ready to spend that time alone, going on a solo date is such a fun way to switch up your routine! The best part is that dating yourself can be way more budget-friendly than going out with a friend or partner.
Now is the best time to put yourself first!
Chree Gledhill says
Excellent
barefootminimalists says
Thank you for reading!