Making friends in your 20s is hard – especially if you’re after genuine connection, not just friendship out of convenience.
In this post we’ll explore the ways in which you can create new, genuine friendships and also deepen your existing friendships.
By following these 12 tips, you’ll be well on your way to forming the lifelong friendships you’ve always dreamed of.
1. Notice what social settings you thrive in
When trying to make friends, it’s important to recognize that not all social settings are created equal. Each person thrives in different environments, and understanding where you excel socially is crucial.
For me, it became clear that I thrived in one-on-one interactions. The pressure of trying to appear cool or interesting in a large group overwhelmed me, and I realized that attending group meetups rarely led to meaningful friendships. So, I decided to try my hand at online friend dating instead (specifically, Bumble BFF) and it turned out to be the best thing I ever did for my social life. The benefit of online dating is you know that the person you’re meeting up with is genuinely wanting to meet new people and make friends – not always the case if you meet someone randomly.
With this being said, if online dating freaks you out, or you prefer meeting people in larger groups, consider joining group travel experiences like retreats and organized tours, volunteering for community events, festivals, or races or seeking out social events that have a specific purpose, like book clubs, language exchange groups, or hobby-focused gatherings. One of my very good friends (who I met off Bumble BFF!) made some great friends by joining our town’s local outdoor women’s group.
The point is, don’t let others dictate the “right” way to make friends. If you know that big group settings tend to leave you feeling disconnected, don’t force yourself into those situations just because you think you should. Instead, take a moment to reflect on past experiences and identify the social settings where you felt most comfortable and confident.
2. Focus on the friendships that add value to your life
In your 20s, you’ll quickly learn that you don’t have nearly as much time as you used to when you were a teenager. With so many things happening in your life, don’t spread yourself thin trying to nurture every single friendship that comes your way. It’s important to invest your time and energy wisely.
So, embrace the mantra of quality over quantity. Seek out the friendships that bring genuine joy, inspiration, and support to your life. Don’t worry about accumulating an extensive roster of friends. Focus on building a strong, trusted circle of people who truly understand and appreciate you.
3. Don’t choose your partner every time
While it’s natural to want to spend time with your significant other, it’s essential to maintain a balance and nurture friendships outside of your romantic relationship too.
Socialization is a habit that requires consistent practice. If you spend all your time with your partner, you may start to feel less comfortable and less at ease in social settings without them. This can make it challenging to deepen existing friendships or create new ones. Plus, investing all your time in your partner leaves little room for cultivating and maintaining friendships. After all, friendships thrive on shared experiences and frequent interactions. By neglecting your social life and dedicating all your energy to your partner, you miss out on the chance to develop close, effortless bonds with other people.
4. Be spontaneous
Remember, every friendship is a two-way street. If you want friends who spontaneously ask you to run errands with them, then you’ll need to be the one who lays the groundwork. Instead of meticulously planning out each friend hangout – be spontaneous. Going to a workout class in 3 hours? Ask your friend to join in! Planning to stop by Trader Joe’s to pick up some dinner? Invite your friend to come along.
Similarly, when a friend asks you to do something (even if it’s short notice), say yes when you can. By encouraging spontaneity in your friends, and being spontaneous yourself, you’ll foster richer, more exciting friendships.
5. Don’t be a flake
When it comes to making friends in your 20s, the golden rule is: don’t be a flake. Trust me, as an introvert, I understand not being in the mood to be social. And cancelling every once in a while is inevitable. But, if you’re someone who flakes on friends constantly, I encourage you to work towards changing your mindset surrounding social interactions.
Spending time with your friends shouldn’t be a performance. You’re not obligated to entertain anyone. If you take the pressure off your friend hangouts, you’ll find them much more enjoyable.
So, instead of flaking on a friend because you’re not feeling social or chatty, try suggesting an alternative activity. If you were planning on going out together, suggest a movie night at home instead. Doing so will go a long way in developing trust and openness in your friendships.
6. Invite your friends to things you’d otherwise to alone
By inviting your friends to join you in activities you typically do alone, you demonstrate that you see them as more than just people to spend special occasions with. By actively including your friends in your routines and day to day life, you’re showing them that you value their company and enjoy spending time with them in any context. This will foster a greater sense of belonging and closeness.
7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Have you ever heard of The Benjamin Franklin Effect?
The Benjamin Franklin Effect suggests that when we do someone a favor, we start to like them more, even if we previously felt indifferent or even disliked that person.
What does this mean in terms of making friends? Well, don’t shy away from asking for help when you need it.
It’s natural to feel like asking for help is a nuisance to other people. However, research and human psychology reveal a different story. As human beings, we strive for consistency in our actions and beliefs. So if we lend a helping hand to someone, we believe that we must like them.
So, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and be willing to offer help to others too. It can go a long way in deepening your friendships.
8. Figure out their love languages
In our romantic relationships, we frequently emphasize the significance of love languages and the profound impact understanding your partner’s love language can have on deepening your bond. However, it’s equally important to understand our friends’ love languages.
Have a candid conversation about what your friends need to feel loved and appreciated. Will bringing them a surprise coffee make them feel loved? Maybe a hug? Or perhaps letting them know how much you appreciate their friendship.
By understanding and honoring your friends’ love languages, whether its acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, or receiving gifts, you can effectively show them how much you care about them.
9. Be inclusive
Making genuine friends in your 20s is all about being inclusive and fostering a sense of community. One way to do this is by introducing your friends to each other, especially if they share common interests. Encourage group hangouts or outings where everyone can come together and bond over shared experiences. By creating an inclusive environment, you expand your social circle and provide opportunities for genuine connections to form – for yourself and for others.
10. Schedule time together
As busy as life may get, setting aside dedicated time to spend time with your friend is essential for nurturing and strengthening your friendship. Frequent interactions create opportunities for deeper conversations, shared experiences, and a sense of comfort and familiarity. Just like in school, where you saw your friends every day, regular interactions build a solid foundation for friendship.
So, find regular activities or events that you both enjoy and can participate in together. It could be attending a weekly yoga class or even cooking dinner together once a week. By proactively scheduling time for each other, you create a reliable and consistent presence in each other’s lives.
11. Celebrate their accomplishments
In order to make genuine friends in your 20s, it’s important to let go of the silly competition over jobs, grades, or relationships. Instead of comparing accomplishments, focus on letting go of that toxicity and celebrate and stay up to date on your friends’ accomplishments instead.
If your pal mentions a nerve-wracking exam, don’t be shy—reach out and ask how it went! These seemingly small gestures can make a huge difference in strengthening your bond.
12. Show interest in their friends and family
In your 20s, building genuine friendships require more than just surface-level interactions. It’s crucial to express genuine interest in your friends’ lives.
One way to do this is to express interest and curiosity in their friends and family. By taking the time to get to know the important people in their life, you gain a deeper understanding of who they are as a person. It allows you to put their emotions, experiences, and personality quirks into context, fostering a stronger connection between you.
Showing genuine curiosity about their loved ones also demonstrates that you value their relationships and are invested in their well-being. This helps break down walls, build trust, and create a foundation for a deeper and more meaningful friendship.
In Conclusion
When it comes down to it, making new, genuine friends in your 20s is all about being your authentic self and putting in some effort. To deepen your existing friendships, it’s important to see your friends regularly, nurture your friendships by showing interest in their friends and family, and figure out their love languages or any of the other 12 tips mentioned.
What does a genuine friendship look like to you? Let me know in the comments below!
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